No Fear

I posted this photo on my Facebook page a few days ago. I love it particularly because of the sentiment at the bottom, but also because the pilot at far right is an Air Force Academy classmate of mine. We were cadets when Jeannie Flynn became the first female fighter pilot, and it's cool to see how commonplace they have now become. As I wrote in my Facebook post, we can drop the "female" part now and just call them fighter pilots!

Another female classmate of mine, who numbered among their ranks before she separated from the Air Force, responded to my post. She really gets annoyed by these all-female "propaganda flights," as she calls them. She finds that they tend to do more damage by setting them apart, when she fought so hard not to be treated differently. As I thought about what she said--and I thoroughly understand where she's coming from--I realized that I'm proud of these girls not primarily because they've broken barriers and succeeded in what used to be exclusively a man's world. I am in awe of them (and her) because they are fearless.

I opted not to become a pilot. At the time I said it was because I didn't have a strong desire to fly. As I reflect, though, I think it was really because I was afraid. I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough at flying, smart enough for the academics. I was afraid I would panic in the cockpit. I was afraid of failing. Looking back, I often made those types of decisions, the safe decisions.

I grew up in a very small town in south Louisiana. I graduated at the top of my class of 35 and was never challenged. I finished my first semester at the Academy with a 0.89 GPA. No, that's not a typo. I spent the month of January 1994 crying myself to sleep at night, waiting for the powers that be to decide whether I would be academically dismissed. For the first time in my life, I had failed. Though I was able to turn it around academically and graduate, from that point forward, I made many decisions out of a fear of failure. During my sophomore year, while going through the Academy's soaring program (learning to fly gliders), when the time came to solo, I declined.

As I followed this train of thought, I realized that when I finally made the decision to pursue my long-deferred dream of law school, I finally pushed fear aside. Fear has no place in the extraordinary life. If God is to accomplish mighty things through us, we cannot succumb to fear. We have to allow Him to exchange His strength for ours. He will make us soar, and we will never fly solo. So as I think of all my current classmates who are pursuing jobs and hoping to be used mightily to promote justice in this world, I encourage you all to dream BIG, be BOLD, and BANISH fear!

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7.

Crunch Time

It's nearing that time in the semester when assignments and responsibilities start piling up. When I look at the next few weeks in total, I am easily overwhelmed that there is far too much to do and not enough time to do it all. The only way I've found to avoid being stressed to the point of paralysis is to take it day by day, moment by moment--just put on blinders, look straight ahead, and put one foot in front of the other to take each task as it comes.

It's also a time when I have to confront the often-told lie that God will never give us more than we can handle. Of course He will! We do not glorify Him by being self-sufficient. As my pastor Frank Friedmann says, we were designed to be the plug-in kind. Only by "plugging in" to the vine and allowing Christ's life to flow through us are we operating the way we were designed. And how often I forget this and thrash around trying to do it on my own!

So my goal during these next few weeks of papers, hearings, trials, and finals (and always, of course) is day by day, moment by moment to surrender these things to God, put forth my best effort in His strength, and trust Him with the outcome.

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:5

One for the underdog!

Now that I've gotten a decision in my first case, I wanted to reflect on the experience. First things first, I'm excited to report that the appeals examiner reversed the denial of my client's unemployment benefits, finding that she was NOT fired for misconduct!

I'm a little ashamed to admit that I had a few misconceptions going into the litigation clinc, but I'm immensely pleased to have been wrong about them. I can't even describe what type of clients I expected, because I didn't consciously think about that beforehand. But my first client was professional, hard-working, conscientious, highly capable and resourceful, punctual, organized, and a vested participant in her case. At the end of our first meeting, she surprised me by saying she wasn't really all that concerned about the money; more than that, she wanted to be vindicated--to have an objective party look at the facts and declare that she did nothing wrong. This was not someone who was out to get something for nothing!

Second, I was pleasantly surprised at the professionalism of everyone I encountered at the Virginia Employment Commission. Sadly I've grown cynical with bureaucracy and sort of expected to deal with state employees who did the minimum to get by. Instead, when they were met with respect and politeness (which I try always to extend), they were cooperative, responsive, and communicative. The appeals examiner took his job seriously and seemed genuinely interested in uncovering the truth.

Ultimately, it was preparation that won the day. I renew my resolve never to allow myself to get so busy that I can't put in the preparation each case and client deserves.

What I learned about my role was that this appeal wasn't something my client was incapable of doing herself. But I was able to work with her and contribute my specific skills to present her story in a way that was clear, organized, credible, and persuasive. I also discovered there's such opportunity for good every time we come alongside someone and let them know that they matter to us. The most special moment came when I was able to pray with my client and Professor McKee just prior to the hearing--to ask God to help us to do our best, and to entrust the outcome to Him.

No boredom here!

We all know the adage about being scared to death, worked to death, and bored to death in each of the respective three years of law school. As a new 3L, though, I can say unequivocally that I am not bored! Quite frankly, I was never this busy during my first two years, and the stakes have never been higher.

Part of the issue is that I overloaded this semester with 17 hours in hopes of spending the spring with the ACLJ (and my husband) in DC. Incidentally, that option is no longer offered. So I have three substantive classes and three practical skills classes, one of which is the civil litigation clinic, where I am working on behalf of real clients with real problems.

Next week in addition to the typical preparation for my three substantive classes, I will have to ready an opening statement for my trial practice class, meet with one client to prepare her for an in-person hearing, have an initial interview with another client, and actually represent the first client--whose unemployment benefits and vindication from her employer's claim of misconduct rest squarely on my shoulders--in her hearing. Yikes...a first for me!

(Yes, I'm a 3L and I still read for class.)

Now, please don't misconstrue this as complaining; I'm so excited to be working on behalf of others who need an advocate! Mostly I'd like to convey to the 1Ls that it does not get any easier after this year. Develop a strong work ethic now, when the worst consequence for slacking off is feeling silly in front of your classmates. I also am well aware that it will not get any easier after graduation, and I appreciate Regent for putting me through my rigorous paces and inspiring me to answer my calling with the utmost respect for the responsibility that will be placed upon me.

Gratefulness

I had an unhappy surprise waiting for me when I went to my car this morning. It was parked on the street, and someone left about a four-foot-long scrape across both driver's side doors. I've spent the rest of the day struggling to be grateful. You see, I gave up the past two weekends working, earning $500...exactly the amount of my deductible. So while I know that God provided me with that work for just this purpose, I had my plans for that money!

What a great reminder that my plans are not always His plans, but His plans are perfect. So I'll sigh and say thank you and rest in the knowledge that despite my reluctant and struggling heart, I am fully loved and accepted by Him.

And my new winter wardrobe will have to wait.

As an aside, the Jettas in my life are apparently cursed. When I lived in northern Italy, I bought a brand new 2000 Jetta. Here were the troubles it encountered:

• when it was one month old, someone smashed my passenger window and stole my purse while I was at dinner
  
• when it was six months old, it was vandalized while my mom was visiting--keyed down both sides, both side view mirrors broken, and three tires slashed (we had to tour Europe with electrical tape holding the mirrors on)
  
• when I returned to the States it was parked on the street in Denver, and someone smashed into the back of it then abandoned the stolen vehicle they were driving
  
• i slid on ice turning into my driveway in Colorado Springs, ran into the 10-inch-high curb, and busted the radiator

Now this 2011 Jetta is four months old, and in addition to today's scrape-up, I've already had to replace a tire that picked up a screw somewhere. So, Lord, it's your car, and I'm grateful to have it. If you want it to be banged up, that'll just have to be ok with me! :-)

...but not the ugliest of things.

There is nothing I can say today that is profound enough or meaningful enough to be worthy of the occasion. All I can say is it feels like yesterday, still raw and unbelievable. Being a former and future military officer and a current military spouse, though, I do feel compelled to comment on a trend I find disturbing: that increasing numbers of Americans are calling for an end to our involvement in Afghanistan.

I hope that this weekend's revelation of new and credible terrorist threats will help people understand that we can't just abandon this fight and leave al Qaeda--who promises to continue their fight--to regain strength and operate unmolested.

But I doubt it. Time marches on, urgency subsides, memories fade.

When I was a 17-year-old freshman at the Air Force Academy, we were made to memorize and recite a quotation that wouldn't resonate strongly with me until years later, when I had encountered more of the world's citizens. Today it is the most powerful to me of the many quotations that were etched on my mind:

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature, and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

John Stuart Mill

Regarding my last...

It has come to my attention that several people found my last post inappropriate, particularly the fact that I was calling out an attorney for what I perceived as a gross lack of preparedness. I realize in hindsight that my comments came across as harsh and probably a bit arrogant, and that certainly was not my intent. I doubt anything I say now will assuage those perceptions, but I have a knot in my stomach at the thought of being perceived that way, so I feel compelled to share a few thoughts.

I gather my words came across to some as armchair quarterbacking--that I haven't yet earned the right to express such criticism. While I completely understand that sentiment, the focus of my post was not meant to be the criticism, but how these observations led to a personal commitment to unwavering preparedness. The intent of the blog was to express how my observations impacted me and shaped my thoughts on the importance of being prepared.

Perhaps that attorney is practicing outside of the area where he's best gifted; perhaps he has personal issues going on behind the scenes, and the office doesn't have the manpower to pick up the slack. But I stand by my assertion that regardless of the reason, we do a severe disservice to our clients and the justice system by appearing in court that way. And while it is noble for attorneys to stand by their own and come to their defense, I hope we all feel equally responsible to protect our profession.